Top Ten Reasons Not To Use Social Media…Ever
We love social media here at Ilfusion. Not just social media marketing, either: everyone here tweets, shares cat videos on Facebook, and checks in to a bajillion places whenever we all go out to lunch. (We officially apologize to all patient waiters in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.)
But…let’s face it. Twitter, Facebook, Google+, they’re not for everyone, right? Here are the only ten reasons we can think of to stay away from social media:
10. You don’t have enough time to type 140 letters because your work shifts are actually 26 hours per day.
You’re too busy inventing a time machine to get your regular work hours done to even consider hiring someone to handle it for you.
9. Search engines are your sworn enemy.
Frequent, relevant updates are sustenance to search engines like Google. If you want to kill them, you must starve them.
8. You absolutely despise every single one of your customers (and you’re pretty sure they hate you too).
No one likes “trolls” and you would attract more of them than the world’s largest bridge. And interacting with them would only make things worse.
7. Your goal is to create a product that no one buys. (The Producers is such a great movie!)
You should give us a call. We’re very curious about your business model.
6. Your keyboard is missing the letters “F,” “B,” “T,” “W,” and “G.”
In all fairness, that would be pretty frustrating. Put a keyboard on your holiday wish list.
5. You’re worried about your privacy…because you work in a criminal enterprise.
If your great-great-aunt-by-marriage-once-removed can find pics from your last “meeting,” why couldn’t the cops?
4. You can’t afford it.
All those free accounts add up!
3. Everyone else is already using it, so it’s not cool anymore.
But how else can you tell the world how un-cool old things are, and share what’s not too cool yet?!
2. You’re allergic to fun.
You know, it might be worth it to invest in an EpiPen…on a daily basis.
1. You are, in fact, violently anti-social. You’re only on the Internet to order groceries and movies.
How did you even get here?